Its never a I

Commission loh!

2012-01-29T00:19:00.000-08:00

Commissioning was 2 weeks ago. It was such a blur. Surreal. BUT :D

A week of marching under sun and rain. Every day. But it was all worth it. Throwing the peak cap up into the night sky. Smiling as the rank is fixed onto our shoulders. Eyes peering around looking out for familiar faces in the crowd. Cheering our lungs out as newly commissioned officers. It's a dream, a reality made fantasy. Maybe it was just a breadth of 'finally'. Or perhaps an eager expectation of what was to come. We did it. Surpassed everything thought possible. Helped each other through mud and sun. Learnt more about determination, self control, grace and laughter than we've ever had. 83/11, 7th AWO thanks for all the memories.

THE OFFICER'S CREED

I am an Officer of the Singapore Armed Forces

My Duty is to Lead, to Excel and to Overcome

I lead my men by Example

I answer for their Training, Morale and Discipline

I must excel in everything I do

I serve with Pride, Honour and Integrity

I will overcome adversity with Courage, Fortitude and Determination

I dedicate my Life to Singapore.

~In the silence...Im waiting to hear your voice~

Home is where the heart is

2012-01-05T15:32:00.001-08:00

Smiles all round. Desperate booking of timeslots. Hopping from one gathering to the next. Euphoric frenzy of catching up on lost time. People return, catch up on the things of old. Talk like yester years. Updates, insights, familiar faces.

Deep down. Hi's and Bye's. Casual talk of life unimaginable. Seperate paths. Memories of yesterday translated to friendships of today. Foreigners in a familiar land.

Sometimes, meeting up isn't a bad thing.

Seeing all of you again is good enough.

~In the silence...I'm waiting to hear your voice~

Last day of Course

2011-12-05T07:45:00.000-08:00

The picture that say's it all :)

One for the memories, yo

~In the silence...I'm waiting to hear your voice~

Just a little longer

2011-11-30T15:42:00.000-08:00

Ok so I'm in my bunk, with a slight drizzle going on outside. It's 8 in the morning, the lights off in the bunk and my bunk mates are snug in bed. All I need is a hot mocha latte with choc chip cookies in front of me for a perfect morning :)

Ok fine I've been procrastinating about doing this blog since course unofficially ended. So here we are, day 99 out of 100 days of weapon phase (I know such a nice number right :D). It's been almost a year since I entered BMT and in many ways life has changed so much. I've made new friends, surpassed every physical barrier I thought possible, become more independent, learned about life in the real world (outside AC) and well, grown up (a little). The past 20 weeks has been such a roller coaster ride of emotions, with so many low points and some happy moments. From the initial shocker of how tough life was going to be from day one to the constant ridicule of not being good enough, it was almost enough to give up. Of course, in return this made all the brief respites like meeting up with Praisecell every Sat or going out with the course for cohesion activities all the sweeter. I guess looking back, faith did carry me through. All the times I felt so lost and burdened, I cried out and He carried me through!

Summary Exercise (the final exercise where we go out into the 'jungles' of Singapore and do insanely tiring things with almost no sleep over 5 days) was my biggest challenge. Carrying loads of no less than 50kg around, climbing stairs with 100kg worth of equipment, racing to meet timings, connecting a maze of cables in the pitch black darkness of the night/early morning have been the craziest things I've ever done in my life. Stressed, fatigued, confusion...it took it's toll on everyone and people's true colours were shown. I guess no words can really describe the insanity going on or I would just have to type for the next 4 hrs to recount everything. Sometimes you could really grow to hate someone through such a period but at the end of the day I realised I gotta learn to love them for who they are too. Everyone fails but successful is the one who learns from his mistakes. I'm glad you've committed yourself to change and moved on. Friendships were also further solidified through these trying days. You'll never understand the true worth of such friends until they help you when you don't feel like moving/can't move, went out of their way to cook you a mess tin of maggee mee, did sentry duty when all they wanted was sleep, kept you company when you manned the comms signals, stayed by your side even when the instructors were blowing their top at you. It comes down to who your true friends are and how much they bother to care. That what keeps me going and keeps me wanting to help :)

Even more so, now then ever, I miss all my sch friends loads. I guess 2 to 12 years of friendship cannot be so easily ignored and it's driving me insanely insane just wanting to meet up with the old gang again. Dec is gonna be the best month this yr cause everyone's coming back!!! :DDDD Oh man I guess one to one talks just cannot be replaced by emails and FB/MSN conversations. Sometimes I feel that just being around the other person is enough. The familiarity gives comfort to this new age of change. To all my overseas friends, GET BACK SOON!!! :DDD

So the good news is that I commission in 2 months time. 7 months ago, that was a joke and an event too far away to even be true. Even now, the reality of it has not sunk in yet. It's kind of like being knighted, you get that sense of endowment, of responsibility that you must now undertake. The prospect of being called 'Sir' is fulfilling in its own right but at the same time unnerving. I'm glad that by His grace, I've made it this far. If this is indeed an accomplishment then it is not mine but His!

So many things to think about and so many people to meet. My my time IS short :)

~In the silence...I'm waiting to hear your voice~

Empty

2011-10-21T07:46:00.000-07:00

I'm tired. It's been a long week. Sometimes I feel like a big loser on the inside, unable to meet up to expectations, letting others down and worse still, irritating others. It's depressing. I don't know how to live anymore. Sometimes what is right isn't right, what seems right only ends up wrong. Doing good does more harm. Being responsible only ends up in more trouble. I always thought that leadership was about taking charge, making your own decisions and getting things done with the team. But there is no team. There is only I. There are only whys. How do you lead when you have no followers? Maybe it's time I just took a back seat, to do what is required and nothing more. It's tiring to find a reason for everything I do. It really is.

I'm done. I'm no longer the person I once was. It's hard to put on a front of normality when every week I go back to be bullied, to swallow ego and to play nice. It''s not easy when nothing you do to help gets recognised and everything else just seems to be extra. I'm a straightforward person. I can't please everyone. All I ever wanted to do was to do things right. That's not enough.

Maybe I've lost sight of God. I've fallen to a new low, a new distance away from Him. I used to tell people tough times make me go to Him more, draws me closer to Him. Now I go to Him half heartedly, clinging on to my burdens more. Reality hits you hard when it gets personal. I struggle to pray everyday. Wrong. I struggle to pray. The words seem rehearsed, a lip service. I'm desperate but I have no faith. It's a dark hole, I can't tell top from bottom.

Hopefully something good comes out of these 5 months. I shall go to bed now, with only tomorrow's sun to drive away the gloom.

~In the silence...Im waiting to hear your voice~

When the sun sets over daisies

2011-08-29T23:48:00.000-07:00

So every once in a while I get an extended holiday and find myself sitting in my room thinking about days gone by. I never knew missing a group of people could hurt so bad, and seeing them again would make me so happy. Sometimes it seems like the BB guys are the only people I've ever truly known in the world. Such friendships cannot be made in an instant but rather, nurtured over many years. I don't dare think about the time when everyone has gone overseas for studying. Already so many that I care about have left or are leaving in the next couple of weeks. A man can't live alone on an island right? Why army why?

Yesterday was the most awesome day in a long time. Buffet. Friends. LAN. Wachee. Hike. Workout for mind, legs, soul. Going out with the RBS guys was great, just time to let my hair down (ok not much to let down) and chillax away from pull ups and running everywhere. Playing LAN with them was even more awesome. I think that would be one of my top 10 LAN moments. Can't wait for mid-course to come. MW3 :O I'm glad the course is getting to know each other much better now, it's getting easier for me to talk to more people. Hopefully we really become good friends for life.

Wachee. The name every ACI dude associates with good, cheap food and has become nostalgic just walking past that place. Did my first ever booking with the uncle the day before and surprise, more people came then expected! Lucky I had reserved a few more extra places. Gosh I miss talking to Jia Wei, Zac, RYAN CHONG and the whole bunch of guys I've known for at least 6 years now. Haha it's funny how we have never really changed much since Secondary school. I'm so glad that all of us are still single (save one who *cough* couldn't come), means we can meet whenever :D Walking home at midnight with JH and the 2 girls made the night just all the more memorable. Crazy people do crazy things. Thank goodness it was in the middle of the night :)

If I could choose, I wouldn't want these days to come to an end. But alas all good things cannot last forever, for comfort breeds complacency. So back to the fiery pit we go tomorrow, to punish our bodies and pour cold water over rested eyelids. May we all survive the week and the course. May we all.

~In the silence...I'm waiting to hear your voice~

What's in a smile :D

2011-08-15T05:03:00.000-07:00

Dance FOA was a blast. First FOA in ACS(I) (hehe I never went for any FOAs in my life cause my mum wouldn't let me :S) and I don't regret it :D The best part of the show was when this yr6 couple just couldn't stop smiling cause they were so happy to be dancing on stage together! Haha the dance even ended with them taking centrestage. Something struck me when I saw that scene. It's been a long time since I've seen such genuine, almost inncoent smiles. Their grins just got wider and wider till the end. I remember a dream I had last month. It was where a girl was running around in knee high grass with wind blowing everywhere. It was quite scary cause it felt like the girl was stressed over something and there was this frown on her face. Then she stopped and smilled. The smile felt almost like a release of pent up frustration, like freedom from the burden we bear. I woke up happy that day.

I like it when I smile like that. It's not something that can be forced or staged. I guess that's what I look for in people nowadays, to just be able to see them smile. Talking to friends, hanging out, it all comes down to seeing them smile.

So smile to brighten up your day (and others too!) :D

~In the silence...Im waiting to hear your voice~

Siaoliao Siaoliao (a letter to my body)

2011-07-21T07:14:00.000-07:00

I stare at my hands and pity them. They have become purple. Maybe I should write a letter to my body. It would go something like this:

Dear (dark and tortured) body,

I know you probably do not like your master at this point of time. You are probably thinking (let's assume from muscle memory) that he is a sadist and delights in seeing you tear and bleed. Truth is, I don't. At least to a small extent. The only reason why you are in such a terrible state is because you are a growing child. And like every growing child you need to be brought into line, conditioned to take on life's challenges and of course, be fed the right nutrients. I (the brain) can only ensure so much. Proper food I will provide in abundance, rest I will give you when you demand. But training my friend is the bitter before the sweet, the sun before the rain, the...the marriage before the retirement. This is beyond my control and suffer, you will. But rest assured, 6 months from now...you will be big and strong and...a lot darker.

Yes you may throw your tantrums now and then, refusing to feed me (the brain) enough of that blood and jabbing at me with those pain receptors. Yes you will sound alarm bells in my ears and dim my vision from bright to black. On most days you chao geng and become lazy, refusing to move at my command, stubbornly contacting in aches and pains.

Yet this I will all bear. For your sake, I endure.

Maybe you would thank me later by doing more pull ups or sit ups or crunches or planks or flutter kicks or chicken backside or master cuts or handstands or helping me fly. But I don't expect much in return, only that you do not give up on me as I will not give up on you.

Please.

Hope you take me seriously...no seriously,
Ben (your awesome brain)

~In the silence...I'm waiting to hear your voice~

I don't believe in chance. Only Trials.

2011-07-12T19:23:00.000-07:00

So they have announced...RBS 70. The only man packed weapon system in the course. 87kg of machine split amongst 3 people, an average weight of 40-50kg on each persons back. Haha I really don't know what to make out of my posting. Happy cause I've got the nicest camp of the lot, with a wonderful cadet mess and gym facilities. That's really where the smiles end.

Lots of hard work to help us better cope with the weight, most of my good friends going off to other weapon systems (though there are still some around :D), little welfare (no more nights out :((), more push ups...

But you know what. Really, there's nothing to complain. It's tough physical training and that's what I want. I've always wanted, since coming to OCS, to be able to truthfully, sincerely shed that tear during commissioning. To know that I've achieved something after having worked so hard. It's like getting my PSLE or even my IB results. After all the hard work, the sleepless nights, the constant battle to just overcome every single challenge. I guess it's true that you will not understand sweetness unless you've undergone hardship.

The next 20 weeks will be bitter sweet and I'm looking forward to it :D

30 pull ups here I come!!! :D

~In the silence...I'm waiting to hear your voice~

A boy's train of thought

2011-06-26T06:45:00.000-07:00

Here's a fast one. My Xbox died at the end of my block leave. My block leave has ended. I find X-men origins too filled with porn and gore and therefore too shallow to be a great show though it has more in depth character development than previous shows and Xavier is just such a good actor. Oh and I'm still in a state of shock that my Xbox died. I managed to catch Tangled/Rapunzel and the Green Zone, both really awesome movies that was more worth my while than the other pg-but-should-be-X-rated-film (get the pun?) XD

I have eaten ice cream/yogurt for every single day of my block leave. I repacked my bags 3 times so I could fit everything in it for book in. I had one of the craziest evenings of my life with baby crackers, maids and adopted kids. I have gotten fatter (my pants are getting much tighter). I have no clue what next week holds.

Goodnight.

~In the silence...I'm waiting to hear your voice~

Set Fire to the Rain

2011-06-17T05:46:00.000-07:00

7 weeks. From Jockey cap to Grey beret. From 2 to 3 bars. From army to air force. From green to blue.

Sometimes it seems so surreal. Transitioning from the menial life of BMT to the more studios AFST (Air force Service Term) sounds easy but having physical activities helps take my mind off mundane military life. I guess up to now I've always done things with a goal in mind, be it studying to get good grades for a uni placing or training hard to keep fit. But AFST felt like a holding stage before I start the real GBAD training. I was doing things without really thinking, going through the motion to get through it. I guess I made some friends there, though not really close ones. I'm glad it's over and we are moving on. Last night's Social night was spent in good company. Good friends from Mohawk (BMT guys like Junlong and Yu Hsuen), a sporting date (thanks Alex!), good music (Mark Daniel Wilson was AWESOME) and of course good Chinese food :) It's kinda fulfilling to see that the month or so spent planning these social events finally bore good fruit. I admit the night was a little nostalgic, knowing that I would not be seeing my pilot friends again (they were some of the closer friends I made back in OCS) but I guess like how it has been since I enlisted, it's time to move on.

It's a week long break for me now. With no one else on block leave, I'm very much left with a lot of alone time. Actually it doesn't sound as bad as it does. More time = more time to pray + more badly needed sleep + more time to go for longer runs + time to start reading those novels again :) I have a new love (fav singer that is)! She's called Adele and she has an amazing voice! Thanks to my bed buddy, Yi Yang for blasting her songs every night, I can't get her songs out of my head. Well until the next Switchfoot album comes out that is XD But seriously it's been a long time since I heard such a good voice, somewhere in the realm of Michael Jackson. Out with Pop, she's the real deal.

Oh well guess I'll sleep early tonight. Got a long day tomorrow, going out to watch Kung Fu Panda 2 and meet up with Praisecell buds :) Gosh Fridays are great but Saturdays are awesome :DDDD

~In the silence...I'm waiting to hear your voice~

Contradictions

2011-05-28T07:43:00.000-07:00

I'm tired of being tired, miserable from feeling miserable, cranky from having teenage angst, overwhelmed with emotions, unclear of what is clear, bogged down by triviality, burdened with individualistic thoughts, lost in a defined system of daily routine, begging for purpose that I have since forgotten, yearning for release.

I am broken.

~

I woke up this morning feeling empty. Something wasn't right. I had lost it. The feeling of purposefulness, of chasing something. I'm going through motion each day. Run, study, communicate, endure, sleep. Relationships seem so trivial. I know I've passed the stage of identity crisis, but now its different. It's a state of limbo I'm in. It's like I'm gliding through life, being like the servant who did not use his talents wisely. I admit I'm confused about what is expected of me. Am I supposed to be the leader I always expect of myself, guiding others along? Because somehow I feel very unequipped, unsure of what is best, out of touch with the community I'm in. Or am I to follow along with the crowd? It seems easier to survive that way, staying under the radar, taking care that I don't fall behind and pull others down with me.

Being Cadet Flight Commander for the past week was extremely stressful. It was not so much the responsibility that stressed me. But rather it was the character I had morphed into which greatly disturbs me. I had to be strict, demand high standards, look out for everything. I wasn't myself. It irked me that I could not be my usual cheerful joker self. Having to enter a meeting room everyday and trash out the same issues over and over again only to see myself repeating it next week exhausts me.

I realise I need to find God again. I have unknowingly strayed. Little by little I have lost that sense of purpose of doing things for His glory. Routine just seems so trivial, so irrelevant to His great plans. My heart has hardened itself to those that I do not know, that I do not care to know.

~

Lord, I pray you help me seek more of You each day. To see the needs of others and not my own. Father, allow me to see Your work in each and everything around me. Help me to give thanks for every blessing that comes my way. Aid me in being slow to anger and to be quick in showing compassion to others. Renew my sense of purpose in You. Surround me with God fearing friends. Be my support and my shelter. Forgive me of my ignorance and I pray that You effect change in my life. I am self - centred. Help me to realise I am nothing and You are everything.

In Jesus name, that comes with heavenly authority, I pray and commit all. Amen.

~In the silence...I'm waiting to hear your voice~

Reassurance

2011-05-16T06:50:00.000-07:00

A song that can't leave my mind. And Heart :D

You Hold Me Now

On that day when I see
All that You have for me
When I see You face to face
There surrounded by Your grace
All my fears swept away
In the light of Your embrace
Where Your love is all I need
And forever I am free

Where the streets are made of gold
In Your presence healed and whole
Let the songs of heaven
Rise to You alone

No weeping no hurt or pain
No suffering You hold me now
You hold me now
No darkness no sick or lame
No hiding You hold me now
You hold me now

In this life I will stand
Through my joy and my pain
Knowing there's a greater day
There's a hope that never fails
Where Your Name is lifted high
And forever praises rise
For the glory of Your Name
I'm believing for the day

Where the wars and violence cease
All creation lives in peace
Let the songs of heaven
Rise to You alone

:D

~
For eternity
All my heart will give
All the glory to Your Name
~

~In the silence...Im waiting to hear your voice~

Oh! Gravity

2011-05-15T00:14:00.001-07:00

It's a sunny Sunday afternoon. The rain is drizzling to a stop. The air smells fresh but feels thick. I exist. Hur hur, so much for situational awareness. Just got back from Air Wing OBS. Yes, you read correct. OBS by OCS cadets. Nothing wrong with it really, cause everything was done double quick time, army/air force style :D Paddle like crazy round Ubin. Check. Fast march around Ubin. Check. Sing army songs while doing 5BX and running up and down steep slopes. Check. Wear a hat. Check. Of course, most of these were self, or should I say, group imposed so it made things a lot more fun and challenging. A wonderful experience. Never forget it :D

In other news, bought a old/new Switchfoot album :DDD Oh! Gravity. Got it from SKS at 30% off cause they were having another big CD sale. Quite a nice CD to listen to when you are half asleep. Gets your feet moving and heart thumping :) Yeah XD Somehow I kinda miss home cooked food now. Mum doesn't cook anymore cause I'm never sure when I'll be free on the weekends for meals. Haha guess I miss cooking too? Going to Praisecell/Alex's house every week and having the girls whip up a storm gets me in the mood for cooking again! Haha but oh well good breakfast and good company really makes my day :) Thanks guys (girls)!

Booking in in a few hours time...Life moves on.

~In the silence...Im waiting to hear your voice~

Your Love is A Symphony

2011-05-01T19:37:00.000-07:00

It's been 2 weeks. I'm home for the first time. I am now part of the RSAF. What more can I ask for? God has been good, will always be good. It's just a question of when I realise it. Heard GBAD is insanely tough, worse than infantry but hey whom do I fear XD

Already missing all my friends back at Tango. Jackie, Jeremy, Guo Wei, Rui Peng, Kae Yuan, my buddy Chong Yeow and all the other amazing guys back at Tango Platoon 3. Thanks for the 2 weeks of craziness. Waking up at insane hours, standing together at the parade grounds to get our ranks. It's been an amazing 2 weeks :) Hope the next 7 weeks would be just as fun :)

Wanna see my school friends real bad too!

~In the silence...Im waiting to hear your voice~

It's like :O C: :S

2011-04-16T07:18:00.000-07:00

So it is. OCS. Haha it's been a mix of emotions. Relief was certainly the first reaction. Not that I was relieved that I got into a much sought after posting but rather just relieved that I did not have to worry about where I was going anymore. That I could finally mentally prepare myself for the next phase of army life and not worry about how my IPPT was a hindrance to command school. I admit I was a little happy. I mean it is an achievement in it's own right. But yet that little amount of joy/pride kinda evaporated pretty quickly. Yeah I guess you could call me ungrateful but like a friend put on FB : 'OCS...A blessing or a curse?' haha what a double edge sword! But yet I'm remembered about the times I've prayed asking God to direct me through this BMT journey. Time and again he has shown his grace - in a little cloud, a heavy downpour, a overcomed test, a goodnight's rest, a breathtaking sky. I gave Him the decision to make over my future after BMT and this is where he has called me. After all he had surrounded me with so many Christian friends in BMT. To have a really meaningful sharing with bunk mates about God's miracles. To have time to do quiet time almost every morning, with a whole bunch of Christians! It's amazing how He is always looking out/after us. So really what do I have to worry? Haha ok I leave it at that :) Oh and note to self: Stop running insane distances just to try to even out your tan. ~In the silence...Im waiting to hear your voice~

Through Basics, We Excel

2011-04-09T23:42:00.000-07:00

2 months. It seems like 2 years. But then again, it could even be 2 weeks. BMT was fun, painful, frightening and exhilerating all at the same time. Sometimes, waiting around (ie. rush to wait, wait to rush) can be really draining. Other times, achieving something (like running 2.4k in 9.39 mins) can be the most awesome feeling on earth. But looking back, it truly is vanity of vanities. Haha ok not to be a party pooper here but really the experiences I've had in BMT remain memorable only in the near future or until I get to a new unit (ie next week). But still, thankfully, all is not lost. Spiritually I've learnt to rely on God more. Be it asking for clouds to cover the sun or help in overcoming a test, the hardships and discomfort I face in the army provides even more opportunities to grow in faith :) So now that I'm no longer a recruit, I guess life should get better. More freedom, less babying and more responsibilities perhaps? Looking forward to posting on Friday. To be honest, i'm a little disappointed with my IPPT pass and how I might not get into OCS because of that. I mean, being top 10 in my platoon to me is quite an achievement already and perhaps being an officer would be something I would feel at home doing. But then again, SCS is not such a bad option either. More personal freedom, booking out on Fridays, no 3 week confinement, closer relationships with the men I command. Perhaps the best is to be content and trust that God has put me wherever I am posted to for a reason. Block leave this week. Anyone wanna go out, drop me a msg!!! Missing u guys :) ~In the silence...Im waiting to hear your voice~

My bags are packed, I'm ready to go...

2011-02-07T07:12:00.000-08:00

Okay it's getting late n the bed is calling to me so I'll make this quick. ARMY IS TOMORROW! WOOHOOO!!! So in the mean time, I've spent the last week wrangling every free minute to do my favourite things. Hanging out, eating, spending loads of money on food (about half of my pay from hols work is already gone), sleeping, gaming, talking, staring at my dog/brother. Ahh spent some time at Lee Kong Chian yesterday just to relieve the old days n was hoping to see familiar AC faces but to no avail. Hey you guys not doing your EEs and IAs? Shame on you XD I especially love the quietness there. It's like no other place in Singapore can you get it that quiet! Oh and the auto escalators too are really cool XD Gosh I'm becoming such a kid XD A new chapter begins tomorrow. Hur hur gosh I'm going to miss waking up on Saturdays to go for BB :( But I promise to come back at my first opportunity! TA camp! Hopefully :) Going to spend my 19th Birthday in camp, haha I don't know to be happy or sad :S Maybe I can comfort all the guys who are heartbroken when valentine's day comes around! Oh and to all friends out there, I'll be reachable by sms so send me a message anytime! Let me know that the world outside is still existing! Alright my bed is really calling so I'll stop here. Just keep smiling, just keep smiling :)

Till next next week!

~In the silence...Im waiting to hear your voice~

Recruit Kwee Hock

2011-01-25T01:27:00.000-08:00

Army. 2 weeks before life becomes a slur of words that consist of no more than 4 letters. BMT. IPPT. OCS. Any swear word in your vocab. On that last point, I've put it in my head to never swear. Never. It has become quite apparent that army is a place of well, temptation. Something that usually gets to me and becomes quite irritating but temptation is temptation is temptation. Call it self psychoing, but the more one becomes aware of what he is getting himself into, the better he can prepare himself against it. So here is my stand. I WILL NOT SWEAR, DAM - I mean YEAH.

Time floats by and as the day of enlistment draws closer, I'm actually getting quite excited :) It is after all a new experience and a unique one of a kind experience. Not that I am considering signing on, but come on, a whole bunch of guys sweating it out together with identical bald heads and black spectacles. What's not to like? XD

I guess I'll be missing the life of a civilian. Freedom has always been a valuable commodity. The ability to dictate your life, what you do each day, even deciding your own routine is pretty precious. Still, NS can be loosely called a right of passage. To not only learn, but practice, discipline, respect and independence. Stuff I might not actively pay attention to everyday but yet is important.

I'm really grateful that there are friends/seniors who have offered to look out for me spiritually in NS. I guess that would be the biggest obstacle, towering over the physical and mental challenges. Thankfully, the biggest problem also has the biggest solution :) The smallest challenge, the physical aspect, can be tackled by the tangible act of training; the army has load of that. The next level of challenge, the mental aspect, may be intangible but it exists within the individual so it's a personal, 1v1 challenge. But the spiritual challenge is me against the forces of evil. It's almost like the devil is cheating. Intangible, overwhelming and without a clear method for success (unlike physical training), I am really outnumbered and outgunned. It is therefore important that there are prayer warriors around me. More importantly, that I become a prayer warrior myself. If He is for me, who can be against me? :)

So there it is, my thoughts about entering NS. 2 more weeks. Spending all my free time now meeting friends and having nice dinners; both of which would soon become a rarity. Contrary to the previous post, I'm beginning to see that I should be grateful for the friends I have made. Though we may never see each other (often), but at least I know that I have been blessed with good friendships that has tided me through tough times in IB. And vice versa. Friendships are about caring for each other and as long as friends continue to do that, what is time spent apart?

Alright, Army here cometh Rct Kwee Hock!

~In the silence...I'm waiting to hear your voice~

Argh

2011-01-18T19:26:00.000-08:00

Sitting in front of the computer has become an almost routine thing, scrolling through FB, watching Youtube, checking email. Seems normal enough until it sinks in that I'm living my life out on a computer screen.

It feels weird, almost depressing at not being able to hold that kind of long drawn out conversations with people, loosing the sense of belonging to anything in particular. It's like television programmes, one moment the show becomes so important and engaging but when it ends, it's forgotten, a meaningless part of your life. I wonder if school had been that kind of anchor my life depended on. The daily routine of saying good morning to people as I descend the steps to FireAC, the looking forward to recess and history classes and of course, the engaging conversations with friends.

Now that all that's gone, I feel almost awkward at meeting people, as if the meetings are only meant to fill the silent gaps that exist after IB ended. It's like catching up for catch up sake. Or at times to remind myself that I still belong to a community. I guess all this cynicism is a result of having known most of my friends for 6 years, some 12. Leaving the system suddenly becomes a shock that is hard to overcome. Worst still is knowing that some close relationships forged during the course of the past 2 years just seem to vanish the moment school ended. It just feels so...heartbreaking.

Anyway, I've rediscovered my love for books, one which I had 不知不觉的lost after entering IP in Sec 3. There simply wasn't enough time to read novels and such. Spending 3 hours 2 days ago at Jurong Library was like a detox session as I ploughed through the non fiction books. Thank God I took history cause now all those giganton history non fiction books become such interesting reads. I can't put them down! Spent last night reading a book called 'Secret wars of MI5 and MI6 (fyi they are the internal and external branches of the British national security agency respectively)' until 2am. Still haven't finished it but will try by tonight. Lying on my desk are Psychology demystified (something like the -for dummies series), Bummy Davis and Murder Inc. (an account of the Jewish mafia in America) and Start Where You Are (a book by the same guy who wrote The pursuit of Happyness).

Have grown a new found love for Switchfoot songs. Maybe cause the combination of meaningful lyrics and noisy rock music is such an irony. Trying to find their albums at Popular bookstores but they don't seem to carry them. Went into a Christian bookstore to ask if they did have their cds and was faced with a bewildered store owner. She asked me to repeat three times the name of the band and got me to spell it out! Haha ok I shouldn't have said they were a Christian band XD

Well, looking forward to the start of army. A new community to start in, with fresh friendships to be forged. Only this time, I hope they last a lifetime.

~In the silence...I'm waiting to hear your voice~

A song...about the best things in life

2011-01-12T05:33:00.000-08:00

We will stand

Sometimes it’s hard for me to understand
why we pull away from each other
so easilyeven though were all walkin’ the same road
Yet we build dividing walls between our
brothers and ourselves,
but I, I don’t care
What label you may wear, if you believe in Jesus
You belong with me, the bond we share
And all I care to see it will change the world forever
if you will join with me, join and sing, sing...

Chorus:
You’re my brother you’re my sister
so take me by the hand
Together we will work until He comes
There’s no foe that can defeat us
if we’re walkin’ side by side
As long as there is Love
We will stand

The day will come that we will be as on
eand with a mighty voice together
We will all proclaim that Jesus, Jesus is King
It will echo through the earth
it will shake the nations
And the world will see
And they will see

Chorus

Take me by the hand
Join with me
Join let us sing

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HvttuqAaKNM

~In the silence...Im waiting to hear your voice~

All I want for Christmas is...

2010-12-22T04:34:00.000-08:00

You. Yes all you fellas out there from the Yr 6 Cohort of '10 and esp you dudes and dudets of 6.9 Galileans. Well I guess time makes the heart grow fonder. And yes, like the slow setting sun, every passing day seems to add a bit of darkness to the cheery memories of our time spent in delirious laughter as well as sleepless nights and sleeping days. The nostalgia of the whole IB experience is slowly turning into well...a nostalgic experience. The EEs, IAs, TOK presentations we went through, the 'failed' studying groups we had, the last supper/ recess.

It just brings back a flood of memories that I can't help but grin at. Norms getting into 'nostalgia' mode and recounting some past experiences or imparting some life lesson. R(A) war movies/war pictures. Miao getting bullied during History class. Seow impressing everyone with his genius during Chem class (and having comic duels with Lydia Yap in the process). All guys English class =D. White board filled with models after Econs lesson. Models. Naresh quotes. Awesome TOK lessons/free periods. Ng Teck Seng. Andrew's annoyance with certain acapella groups in class. Toan's/Kevin's escapades. Hao Zhong's arms size VS. Head size quotes. King Lear quotes :S. SL maths :) Yr 6 PC periods and Ted Talks. Angela Ong. BGR talks. Yes, the acapella groups again. FireAC :) Preparing for FireAC :) Sidney Tan and Tim Tan :) Preparing for TOK presentation (right Andrew?) XD Norm's SQA History lesson.

Gosh, so much going through my head in 10 minutes. And you know what? I miss you guys. Like heaps. Like a puppy missing the bone he just ate.

So all I ever want, this Christmas, is to see you guys again. One more time before results come out. Before we ganna Tekonged or step into Uni. Cause memories are, or rather were, the past. But you guys are still here. So lets go make more memories :)

~IT IS BY CHANCE THAT WE MET, BY CHOICE THAT WE BECAME FRIENDS~

B for Bum

2010-12-14T06:02:00.000-08:00

I have so much to blog about but I am lazy. Maybe next week. Oh wait I said that last week. Oh well good night world.

~In the silence...Im waiting to hear your voice~

First day at work @ Club 21

2010-12-06T03:41:00.000-08:00

First day at work was...enjoyable =D Met one of my old BB friend, Eugene, there :) Turns out he is working at the warehouse. God provides =D Spent the entire day sitting very relaxed at my work desk detagging uber expensive clothing (Armani Exchange clothes go at minimum of a hundred and ninety nine bucks! Guess that means they probably have loads of dollar coins in their cash registers XD) Seriously, people buy these stuff?? I mean the material is quite good but at hundred and ninety nine bucks, and with the thousand of stocks in the warehouse, I seriously wonder whether supply has exceeded demand O.O Haha but my hands all feel nice and silky now because of all the silk and cotton I have touched =D Also, the staff there are really really friendly. Though they communicate in Malay (which, let me clarify, I DO NOT understand), they are like um the word is 'Abang!'. Really nice people to be with, guess that means I'm looking forward to tomorrow!

~In the silence...Im waiting to hear your voice~

Before I throw myself back into (brainless) work and eating (crappy) expensive food

2010-12-04T21:12:00.000-08:00

Do you know what date is it tomorrow? It's the sixth of December. That's right in a month's time results are out. All who will only panic on the 5th of Jan say Aye. On other news, boy time really flies when you are trying too hard to have fun by whiling away your days running in the hot sun, climbing up flights of stairs (oh look I just did 75 stories! Hmm maybe I'll do a hundred tomorrow, the air would be fresher up there. You get the idea), pretending you are actually trying to read intellectual books (I recently walked into the library, skipped the Fiction section and borrowed 5 books on topics like Psychology, religion and maids O.o) and cooking (why does your mom NEVER follow the instructions in the cook books?).

Sooo...I've decided to pluck myself out of this miserable life of TRYING to have fun by actually dumping myself back into what I do best (and therefore, through some existential way of reasoning, would enjoy the most). That is work with an emphasis on the Kk sound. Yes, fellow bumbling quarter life crisis mates, I am going to be productive and contribute to the rapidly expanding economy (sounds like I'm making babies or something:S) and get back to WorKk. So come Monday, goodbye social life and FB idling (stalking is a wrong/bad word, all I do is sit and stare at the home screen) and hello Money churning, menial handling, air conditioned, I-actually-am-doing-something-useful-with-my-life WORKk.

Yes thus for 6.50 an hour, 5 days a week, 10 minus 1 for lunch hours a day, I would be sandwiched between 2 gigantic shelves, at a desk, branded shirts in hand (I heard the place I work at handles Armani :O) and I am going to....remove electronic tags. Pause. Wait for it. Don't say it.

WoW.

Ok so the only reason I'm typing this post is so I can enjoy the nice clacking sound of the keyboard before it goes kinda quiet for a month and when I would spend my time sitting and thinking of the outside world and all its undiscovered beauty. Did I mention that I'm also kinda bored? Scratch that. I AM bored.

Sat in church alone today (no, contrary to popular belief, I am not a psychotic anti social planning what I would have for lunch after service - got you there - when the sermon is on. Just that I don't really know people in Church but getting to know them now through cell group =D). The sermon was kinda...um...iffy. Basically on Hebrews 3, talking about the Builder being more important than the building, that Jesus is greater than Moses etc. Nodded my head in agreement though nothing awe inspiring stuck out, gah guess I have to re read that chapter again. But there was this funny bit when the pastor asked: 'so when you look at HDB flats, don't you think about the architects who created them? The engineers? How it was made? Surely you must have!' Whole congregation: 'O.O'

Oh btw, as mentioned above, in my pursuit to pretend that I have grown up (come on I'm eighteen coming eighty). Just to share a few interesting books that I borrowed.

Emotionally intelligent living: Strategies for increasing your EQ by Geetu Bharwaney
I am not sick: I don't need help by Dr. Xavier Amador
Religion: Key concepts in Philosophy by Brendan Sweetman

The last one is really interesting, trying to digest it bit by bit now =D Oh and look out for more cooking recipies! I just baked shepherds pie on Friday (was supposed to do it a few days earlier but just when we were going to get out to buy the beef, it poured :S) and have an awesome dofu dish too!

Gah really missing all my friends back in school :S

~In the silence...I'm waiting to hear your voice~

A few interesting thoughts

2010-11-28T23:10:00.000-08:00

As We grow older,

We observe fewer rules

Friends become stranger than strangers

We long to be young again

Happiness is more often than not defined by a conscious attempt at attaining it

Coffee tastes better than tea

We become more pessimistic

Relationships become more complicated

Heartbreaks take longer to heal

Exams become test papers

Enemies become friends

I think as prom ends and people fly off, move on in life, life becomes sadder, more painful. Friends that you have spent the happiest moment of your life with fade into a distant background, like the characters in a story that were important for a brief moment before the main character moved on in his journey. It is sad thinking of life without the people you've grown most attached too, like multiple heartbreaks that become so difficult to bear. During this restless transition period, self reflection becomes an unavoidable and painful process. To evaluate the life one has lived, not only spiritually, but also in relation to the kind of friendships one has made, it takes a lot of energy emotionally and physically.

I can't let you go.

~In the silence...I'm waiting to hear your voice~

A day in the life of a videographer: A once in a life time experience

2010-11-27T02:08:00.000-08:00

Just got back from helping video a cousin's wedding =D It was such an eyeopener and exceeded any expectations I had! I mean how many people (guys especially) actually get to see the bride put on make up in the morning and transform into a princess? (Haha girls I now know ur secrets for prom XD) Or get locked outside the flat with the groom trying to plead his way into the bride's home (while having to endure cheeky humiliation and disgusting food in the process)? All I was armed with was a video camera (that had an amazingly short battery life) and instructions to 'shoot anything alive' (ok I made the last part up but I seriously had no info on how the whole wedding was to go or how long I was to shoot for).

So off I went, with camcorder in holster, to shoot (one of) the biggest day of my cousin (and her husband's) life. Spent a good portion of the morning fiddling with my new 'toy' (see I don't own a video cam and have never touched one before) and happily filmed the different stages of makeup (guys don't try this at home. We really won't have the patience). Ever wondered how girls get those amazing hair dos on their wedding days? The secret is hairspray. LOTS OF HAIRSPRAY!

Haha so by and by she gets done up in her beautiful gown and hair before we Guys (the photographer and I) get sent down to wait for the groom. Fast forward to his arrival and coming upstairs and we are now standing in front of barred gates (that quite funnily seemed to have been forgottenly unlocked) and a (this time for real) locked door. Guys, a word of caution. If you are planning on getting married (anytime guys, just give the word and become the first AC '10 married couple. I'm sure the whole cohort would come down to support you), prepare. for. the. worsttttt....Aka prepare to get a terrible stomachache and a splitting headache and to dress up in what girls think a guy should be in a world ruled by women. I.KID.U.NOT. To illustrate the above points. A terrible stomachache - due to the lime infused sour breadcakes they feed you (including other unrecognisable items that I hear are supposed to represent the sour, sweet, bitter and spicy days of your marriage). A splitting headache - word has it the bridesmaids concocted this potent brew of coffee, though sounding seemingly innocent, was actually made out of half the cup filled with coffee powder. Ladies, a male's potency is NOT derived from drinking coffee. Lastly, a women's world - dress up in apron (aka the guy is going to be the one doing the cooking) and hairclips before dancing to the tune of 'Nobody'. Whichever guy who first said 'hell has no furry like a woman scorn', he was only putting it nicely.

So after the little obstacles (what's this compared to the wonderful life marriage beholds?), he finally gets to see his beautiful bride =D (Like Christ's second coming eh?) Another thing, guys sounding mushy is perfectly normal and even sweet on a wedding day (so start practising now!)

Ok I can go on and on and on about the entire day, but I shall fast forward to the exciting bits. So there I was in the church with my (other) cousin helping to film the service when loh and behold! The memory stick ran out of space! Gah and there I was worrying all morning that the battery would die on me. Luckily, the best man brought an extra camcorder and the day was saved (thank God)! A word of advice, if you are ever tasked with taking a video of a church wedding ceremony, never take your eyes off the camera, especially during the mushy bit (you know what I'm talking about). Cause you gonna have to zoom into the couple's face and maintain that steady aim, all the while trying not to break into that nervous laughter XD

I guess today has taught me a lot about taking a video. Like how NOT to panic when the battery is going to die on you when you have to film the last two tables during the wedding lunch (it survived till the end of the last table with a couple of yam sengs in between). And of course, how to walk backwards without stumbling like a fool while keeping the camcorder trained on the incoming bride and groom. (don't laugh I bet you guys would have trouble doing the same).

All in all, it was an exciting experience and a memorable one too. Imagine 20 years down the road and they pull out that (dusty) .wma file from their hardrives to relieve this happy occassion. I do feel extremely privileged to have been able to play a part in kick starting two people's new lives =D

So all the best to the newly wed couple!

P.S. Any AC '10 couple need free wedding videography I can film you next Sat. Just remember to send out those FB invites XD

~In the silence...I'm waiting to hear your voice~

I won't forget the smile on your face

2010-11-25T08:11:00.001-08:00

Just got back from Prom. Happiness is written on my face. I am happy! Sry a little drunk over too much sprite XD Guys decked out in nice suits, Gals in killer heels, tons of makeup and body hugging wraps, gosh I think we guys felt under dressed (oh the irony XD). Haha but still amidst the glitz and glamor it was a time of unspoken goodbyes, of leaving the last impression, of desperate camwhorings and of course, holding onto the promise of friendship. Frankly (and a few guys have agreed with me) it takes an average of 30 seconds to figger out which girl was who cause gosh we looked like men and ladies today. Ladies, Gentlemen, we have moved on to a new phase in life, we have become Yr7s and now, embracing the ACS spirit, we will press on and step out into this new world. Oh no I'm starting to sound like Tim. (Err no offence Singham XD)

Still behind all the mascara and gelled hair, I cannot help but muse at this little gathering we just had. As Solomon said in Ecclesiastes, 'meaningless, meaningless, everything is meaningless'. Not to pour cold water but haha it does seem almost hilarious that we go to such an extent to look our best and to strive to impress. I mean for example, the class girls were commenting the other day that no matter how expensive suits we guys bought, we were going to look the same. (Well lucky you girls, at least you get to come in green and yellow). But it was so true! Haha every guy with a suit looked good in a well...suit! I guess this means that it is the person inside that we look out for. That tonight, the best dressed person may have given some guy or girl that drop dead I-wanna-date-you-now hormonal overdrive but in a week, it's gonna be forgotten. Ouch.

But in defence of the hard work put in by Council and of course the (almost equal) hard work (i dare say everyone) put in to look our best, tonight would be a night I will remember for a long time. Not so much the food (though it was really not bad), or the camwhoring (FB will always be a constant reminder), or the dresses that make guys go O.O (like I said I have trouble telling which girl is who XD). It's the company amongst friends, people I have known for as long as 12 years of my life, friends who mean so much more than a pretty face or a funny joke. That my penultimate meeting with all of you (reality check: results day :O) would be marked with as much glitz and glamour as the time spent in shorts, berms and long pants (or skirts for that matter). Gah I'm gonna cry (sorry watching a Korean drama with my mum now XD).

Perhaps it's only fitting to end with the chorus of one of my favourite songs.

Lean On Me by Bill Withers

Lean on me, when you're not strong
And I'll be your friend
I'll help you carry on
For it won't be long'
Til I'm gonna need
Somebody to lean on

Thank you Lord for this wonderful night =D
~In the silence...I'm waiting to hear your voice~

Finally...I can smile at the mirror

2010-11-22T03:37:00.000-08:00

As with all milestones in my (recent) life, this one deserves a space on the blog. Yeap IB is over. I say it with a sense of finality. In fact it's been exactly a week since its been over. I'm glad that I can actually say that I have graduated with no (bugging) regrets. Marks aside (which I forsee to be terrible), I think my last two years have been the most eye opening, (literally) breath taking, sleep deprived, brain slogging, food stuffing years of my life. I know results won't be pretty but I have come to the point whereby it doesn't really matter. I leave everything in God's hands and whatever I get, I leave it to Him to decide.

On to more recent things. Miao just flew off yesterday=( Gah gone (in a rather temporal sense) are the days of differing opinions, trying our best to understand the other and generally, feeling the immense sense of achievement upon attaining any agreement. Miao, if you are reading this, thanks for being such a great friend. I guess I would never have seen Christianity or living the Chrisitian life the way I am seeing it now without the many many talks we had. Here's wishing you all the best for your years in Canada (and getting that farm)!

Spent the last week hanging out with the rest of the world that I have been neglecting since EE started. Moved mountains (of papers) at Miao's house with Alex and Justin and spent the rest of the time reminiscing over the tons of History notes we have (hats off to Norman for the miracle feat) and baking puffs (my first ever curry puff making experience). Did a garage sale at Miao's house too (couldn't find the garage u see) and had tons of fun talking to all the aunties about History plus learning how to wrap (very very very) expensive glassware O.O Got out of the house again to catch Harry Potter with the classmates. Seriously guys, get over Emma XD She's just a pretty face. Oh and went back to JS for the best day of my life in a long while. Saw the new school in all its glory and all the teachers from old. Gosh it's been 6 years?! I kinda feel old cause most of them haven't changed a bit. Gosh it was great talking to all the teachers and looking at all the little ones running around. Haha lunch with Tok was awesome with all the Commnado stories and tips for Singham. I'll probably be going back to JS to relief teach after Army. Anyone interested to join tell me!

Life's pretty good now. I've got more time to read the bible (just had time to sit down and read Ecclesiastes and actually ENJOY reading it). Prom's in two days time. Funny how every other girl in the family is getting excited about it and not me XD Gah don't want IB to end. I miss school and all the crazy people too much! Ok verbal diahorrea should end here. Oh gotta share a cool song I just heard. But next time =D

~In the silence...Im waiting to hear your voice~

On Giving Thanks, Fairness and the Heart

2010-09-29T05:18:00.000-07:00

Was terribly devastated a few days ago when everyone in school kept asking me if I could go out for the next few days. It felt like I was letting others down or simply being a goody two shoes and mugging at home. Frankly I don’t like mugging and frankly, it’s not fun staying at home. So by and by things got pretty disheartening, felt like a long ride down guilt trip lane and was sitting in the bus pondering over my misfortune. Then it struck me like a bolt from the blue. What happened to giving thanks?

Now usually the story would go where I would be like EPIPHANY! And start thinking how much I have to give thanks for. But today was kinda different. The next thought was can one give thanks when one doesn’t feel like it? Haha funny thing is as much as I like to reason things out in my head, my feelings more often than not get the better of me. Thus the dilemma, if one’s heart is not in the overjoyed mood of giving thanks, can one do so?

Strikes me that more often than not, we hear the phrase God loves a cheerful giver. Cheerful would be the key word here rather than giver. So would it be right to give grudgingly, I mean, come on who wouldn’t want something free (haha typical)? Similarly, does it matter how we feel as long as we give thanks? But it makes me wonder then, if our feelings can be changed with our head.

Funny enough, I got part of my answer upon reaching home. It was in the form of an email from Andrew Chong, one of those forwarded messages that span half the galaxy. The author of the mail was none other than Rick Warren himself. He was talking about problems. One part of the message he wrote ‘we can either focus on our problems or our problems’. Struck me that it was true, that it was on how much we forced ourselves to look away from our troubles that sometimes (only sometimes, especially those times when the problem is ourselves really) that we can make it all ‘go away’. But still, the problem was not realllllllllly solved. What do we do about the feelings part, you know the nagging feeling that life just isn’t fair.

The more I thought about it over the next few days, the more I got closer to the answer. First I realised that thinking about how much better off you are then other people doesn’t really work. Yeap like when your mum tells you how many starving children there are in Africa and you go like, but lunch really tastes bad so that’s not the point. The whole comparison thing only gives you a chance to compare yourself with those better, not only those worse off than you are, so seriously, don’t try this on your kids. It doesn’t make sense.

Then I realised that actually, giving thanks really isn’t about how much better off you are than the fella next to you or is it entirely about how many good things have happened to you in the past week. It’s not even about that good grades you got cause you prayed or the many good deeds you’ve done. It simply because God loves You. Job fell into the trap of ‘justifying himself rather than God’ (Job 32: 2) God gives and takes away. It’s really not about us. It’s about him. There is much joy to be found knowing that God loves me. It’s by that knowledge that I can be happy and I can give thanks again =D

~In the silence...Im waiting to hear your voice~

Give thanks

2010-07-25T01:55:00.000-07:00

Well I guess this would be the final of the final post before IB exams (yeah I know I said that previously), but oh wells I am fickle like that XD Haha but anyway this post concerns the recent common test. I know I've described it as terrible, disgusting and the thing that would totally wreck my life. But God is great and hooray, he brought me through it all painlessly. I mean there is nothing to be proud about my results, considering that I probably won't be able to go anywhere but army with such a crappy score (signing on after NS sounds like a really good idea now) but compared to what I was expecting, this was a MIRACLE! I guess two lessons came out of this roller coaster journey of almost a week of worrying.

1. God listens to the faithful (so stop being whiny and full of self pity. Gosh even King Lear is more composed than you)

2. We all need friends to pray for us (and for us to pray for others as well =D)

A big thanks to the whole bunch of hommies that prayed: J,J,S,C and R. Reminds me of a song that my mum used to listen to. It's called 'friends'.

The chorus is like this:

And friends are friends forever
If the Lord's the Lord of them
And a friend will not say never'
Cause the welcome will not end
Though it's hard to let you go
In the Father's hands we know
That a lifetime's not too long
To live as friends

'Friends are Friends forever, if the Lord's the Lord of them' =D

Thanks yous Lord =D

~In the silence...I'm waiting to hear your voice~

A depressed soul, an open heart

2010-07-19T01:43:00.000-07:00

I finally did it. I got someone to change my FB account so that I never will enter it again till after IB. It's depressing but other stuff are worse. Well I guess this would be the last time I pen down my thoughts till after exams too. Expecting terrible results. I have no idea how i'll face up to my mum and myself after Wed. It's a terrible feeling. If they deregister me, I am destroyed.

Funny how I shared about humility this morning at FireAC. Meekness rather. Have I been too arrogant? Don't know, not proud definitely, I've got nothing to be proud off. Is bad results a way for God to humble me then? Ahhh painful painful painful. IOC seems so daunting, prelims seems so close, time seems so short, stuff to study is too much. I am heavy burdened, but so is everyone.

To find strength in God is an easy thing to say. To do so is harder. There is so much incoherent thought in my brain, it's frustrating. How can one say that failures are a good thing? Yes they make you work harder, to put in more effort but what is more effort? Is it writing more notes and looking at more essays? How does one improve? This is pathetic. Studying is pathetic. It all boils down to 30% understanding, 70% memorising. It's about going through the same thing over again till you get it right, and not only right but you can recite it with your brains closed. It is therefore saddening to know that this is knowledge, this is what we chase after and this is what we, IB students who have spent so much time thinking, pondering and reasoning, come down to.

I don't know. To come before God with genuine humility means taking a severe beating first. One cannot be broken unless one is smashed. So smashed I will be come Wed, let faith, which they call ignorance, be tested. I will be prepared for the consequences but what then after that? How can I improve. God knows, yes he does.

For the Bible tells me so.

~In the silence...I'm waiting to hear your voice~

Madly in love

2010-07-09T04:12:00.000-07:00

GGGGRRREEEEAAAATTTTT! One more paper of Math left and it’s killing me to get it done and over with. The probability of me screwing up this exam is probably 1. EPIC! Got some major explaining to do when the results come out, but until then…gotta work harder and smarter. Guess it’s good that there’s mid years cause I finally know what I don’t know. Haha dramatic irony. But it’s all for the better I guess.

NEED TO CHANGE MY BLOG SKIN BUT I HAVE NO IDEA WHICH ONE TO CHOOSE…

Reading History for the past few months has been the best thing in the world. 100 years of Chinese history is like torture and euphoria at the same time. After years of struggling to remember people’s Chinese names, I suddenly get a couple dozen thrown at me at one go. Hey not my fault I’m only three quarters Chinese right? Sigh. Haha but it’s the most enlightening subject cause it’s finally something tangible and not some fluffy econs theory or math formula. Not saying that econs and math can’t be applied in practical situations but it’s just very abstract, that’s all. But history has life and character to it. The subject demands that it be treated with objectivity and clarity of thought. Reasoning becomes so much more meaningful and satisfying when the motives of characters past become apparent and when events from different chapters engage in cause and effect, linking themselves in beautiful harmony. Woah so romantic XD Ok I’m IN LOVE…with history:)

Anyways, life has been a bundle of ups and downs recently. But I have to say the peaks and troughs have been much gentler than normal. Guess cause mum’s working and I’m home all alone. But the downside is getting distracted by life’s many temptations XD We’ll 4 months is all that’s left. It’s a scary thought but IB and school for that matter is really coming to an end :O Like 12 years in ACS is gonna come down to this next 4 months. How nostalgic. Haha I have this awesome plan for the next 4 months. Hope it works :)

http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=4544400&l=1f4ac83897&id=613183200

~In the silence...Im waiting to hear your voice~

Waiting for the world to change

2010-06-15T22:31:00.000-07:00

It's a week and a half to mid yrs and I'm honestly freaking out. Been wanting to blog down the past two weeks but never really got down to doing it, so finally :)

Spent most of the first week bumming around in school (con camp wasn't very helpful and I couldn't concentrate with so many people to talk to XD Haha yeah the week flew by and all I remember is amazing Wachee lunch sessions =D Second week was spent getting used to being at home; spent half the time staring into space or getting up to drink water/watching youtube. Haha epic guilt trip throughout the whole time, but talking to someone who went out every other day made me feel better XD Slightly.

So finally this is the third week. Getting more focused but a little more freaked out. I don't think I can remember everything I've studied (maybe 60%?) So I guess this phase would be part of the prep for finals. Oh well, IOC another headache, no idea when I can get down to it. Haha but finally managed to go out yest for lunch with J, best part of the hols thus far =D West Mall has changed so much! Missing my friends back in school and all the crazy stuff we do. Guess the craziest thing this hols is my breakfast. Been experimenting with different ways to make my breakfast (which consists of nuggets and bread...everyday:O) more exciting. Bought seaweed and placed it in between for the last two weeks. Getting a bit sick of it now XD Haha but just bought pork floss, YAY! Haha ok I'm easily amused XD

Ok back to the anac chem notes Ive been doing. Orange pens are the rage these days...

~In the silence...Im waiting to hear your voice~

Pagination...in the life of Ben

2010-05-16T08:43:00.000-07:00

Ever experienced how awesome it is when it pours on your way home and when u reached home it miraculously stops and you don't need to take out that umbrella? Yeah God has been awesome for the past few months. For the gazillion times it poured like nobody's business as the 105 cruized home, I think I only needed to open the umbrella like once. It gets me excited each time I see it rain. God will halt the rain before I get back! Like last week, can't rem which day, it was pouring even as the bus was bout 200 meters from the bus stop. But when I got off, it became only a drizzle. Thanks a bunch Dad.

On to other stuff, my EE is halfway done...again. Yeah like for the 4th painful draft. I guess I just need to have faith that it would all come together. So many random variables now.

Thank God he's the only constant.

~In the silence...Im waiting to hear your voice~

Hey hey hey its a beautiful day

2010-05-07T16:37:00.000-07:00

Econs IA, HIst EE, Math test revision, catch up on sleep.

Here we go.

~In the silence...Im waiting to hear your voice~

A old beginning

2010-05-06T07:33:00.001-07:00

I will now make it a point to comment on my life at irregular intervals to brigthen up my day. So....

Today I crave a MacSpicy because I just ate up the last bit of ice cream in a tub at home.

There, feeling better already.

Now to do that thing called hist test prep with test questions in front of you O.o

~In the silence...Im waiting to hear your voice~

Living out Loud

2010-03-18T00:32:00.000-07:00

The life of IB is one of discovery. Like Huck down the river and Sidd at the river and Paddy in the bath tub. Its kinda cool, kinda freaky, kinda scary to live like this. Eyes open to new beginnings, mind wanders to wider opportunities. Wanders too much. Hur hur at the end of the day it boils down to hard work, grades and more coffee.

The idea of studying IB, to take on a global perspective, seems like a dream. Listening to Kings, UCL and yadda yadda college talk about discussing the financial crisis, reducing world poverty...it seems so...ideal. Interesting, exciting but practical? Almost. Maybe its cause im not a dreamer. Dreamers go far, wide, achieve the impossible. Le Parkour. Impossible is nothing. But Im no dreamer. Do what needs to be done now. Finish. Move on. Maybe that's bad. Or maybe its good. Don't know. Why bother?

Been trying to clear work for the past few weeks. Drafts of every kind coming in, going out...type type type. But I kinda enjoy it. Something about accomplishing that WL or TOK draft after spending 3 days pondering and typing it seems so gratifying. The idea of work the drafts now, study later becomes so attractive. I think im not cut out to study. I know I have to, need to, must. But I like working. Like just stupidly going through motion, thinking a bit and working. Sigh. That's why I fear exams. I need to know the answers. To have mugged enough to throw them all back. Time....(one of) my greatest enemy.

All right so a bit of update on the life of a spectator of spectators. Little sleep becomes lots of sleep. SAY YAY TO HOLS! Haha I guess its part of the course. I don't know but this year feels the most lonely yet, yet not lonely. I guess even when knowing more people in school, saying hi along the corridors, in class, doesn't really equate to close friends. Friends u can always depend on in laugther and tears. Close buddies in sec sch all move on to different classes. I feel more mature now, more knowledgeable, more aware of things around the world than ever before. But yet its the sinking feeling that when one is alone, there's no one really there.

God has been a refuge. I know. Here and there he does things that remind me. But its hard to move on each day like that. There are so few like minded people around. It's plain, sterile, almost discouraging to exist in this manner. It feels like ive lost interest in faith. I know its not right, not what God wants but its just the sianness that comes when thinking about the life I live. Maybe its stress, work, sin, guilt, responsibility that takes me away but I can't seem to give them up. It's like a spiral.

It's funny how I just watched Glee 'don't stop believing' on dailymotion and suddenly find it so weird that Im staring at a non-Christian video that tells me to not give up. Oh gosh, I need something exciting in my life again.

~In the silence Im waiting to hear your voice~

2009

2009-12-30T08:17:00.001-08:00

Ah finally got myself to sit down, reflect and spill out (rant about) my life. Its been a long time since ive written something on this page. As the year draws to a close, its good to take time to realise where my life is heading and how its has been guided, influenced by God, the people He placed around me, the curcumstances He put me in, the wrestling I have done. Its not been an easy year. Work has been terrible. Grades have been a disaster. Sleep has been non existent. Enthusiasm all but forced. The world is merciless in its dealings and we play for keeps. IB has trained me to be sharper, but then more critical of others. To demand myself to work and in turn feel guilty when having fun. In playing for keeps, Ive runned down character, patience, self control. And it got me nowhere. Its funny how I lie to myself that I can handle everything. However, the year has not been an entire waste.

God does things in funny ways. Friendships have always been something Ive cherished. Every year since Primary school I would always have a good friend whom I could lean on/hang out with every day throughout the year. Every year there would always be that person whom I look forward to talking to everyday cause its just so easy to do so and no barriers exist between us. However, this year has been different. My class/school mates are mostly new. Its sometimes hard to talk about the things that really matters. Thankfully God has placed people who have been strong in faith beside me, to encourage me in ways that I usually don't get. It's in the simple 'Ill pray for you' that I find the strongest encouragement. Yeah there's been the highs and lows of the year which repeats like a pattern every year (exam periods tend to be low) but its different when we engage in things that matters most. Its the things that are about caring, about loving, about sharing that now seem more important, more desired than anything else. But even then struggles abound. The sense of guilt is one that drags a person to his knees. First the knees of despair and disgust. The man's pride is broken and crushed. He who feels strong is now humbled. Then as he sinks deeper, he falls to the prayer knees. The overwhelming desire to seek spirituality anew, afresh, like a 6th sense discovered. That's where I have been led. To the foot of the cross, broken and in need of repair. To pray when all else is crumbling. To cling onto prayer and in turn, to declare His power in Jesus' name. I rejoice that the Lord has dragged me back to my kness but yet at the same time I despair. Its sad that one has to wait till he is crushed to pray again. When I say pray, I mean deep down I know that I mean every single word and I know God is listening. Its sad because its hard to trust myself to pray (like this) everyday. But I know in my weakness, He becomes strong.

Did a few interesting things this year (in my definition of interesting at least). Went out to watch Avatar with a friend, baked some kinda cookie at Shawn Tan's house, got caught playing XBOX in class after 3 years (lao kui man), went to watch Transformers 2 with classmates and had some Chinese restaurant dinner (which was pretty awesome cause Ive never eaten and would never choose to eat in a chinese restaurant save weddings/extended family outings), doing class council stuff with a bunch of hilarious/crazy/perpetually high commandos/EXCO, oh yeah...having contact with the other species for the very first time in personal history (elaborate on this later), Ind. Day dressed up as Lady Liberty with green paint on my face and hands and wrapped in green trash bag, carrying a Nike duffel bag to school and finding no one actually carries these stuff as a school bag making me feel weird, FIREAC WITH ALL THE AWESOME PEOPLE INSIDE AND AROUND (Miao, Eu, Chek, Prince; Justin, Teddy Bear, Lebs, Karlo), teaching classmates how to play the guitar and singing in class, bumming around class with Sidney and Co. , arguing/discussing/ philsophising with Miao on life/ministry and how to pronounce words properly, talking to Andrew and laughing at our lame jokes, seeing Hao Zhong get buffer by the day, laughing at CT Mdm Angela Ong's lame jokes and even funnier life stories, feeling sad that Ng Tek Seng is leaving us and enjoying his crazy antics during Chinese class, the non-existence of BB this year (sry guys), writing articles for ACpress and seeing them published (Great success!!), going to LKC for EE research (awarded Best Excuse of the Year to Get Out of The House), sleeping only 5 hours on average every other night and craving for coffee, eating (and finally getting sick of) Maggee/Nasi Goreng, feeling perpetually anxious and oh man what more can I say??

~In the silence...Im waiting to hear your voice~

WATHCA WAITING FOR

2009-08-18T21:46:00.000-07:00

Argh.

Talking to some people are so hard.

Like we have the same number of electron domains but different number of lone pairs.

Argh.

Same goal different minds.

Why oh why shapes are so messed up.

Why can't we just talk and laugh

Why so guarded? Why so careful?

Haha ramblings they are but well its a good problem I guess. Gets a bit pissy at times, but its better than getting pissed. On the other hand miss my Yr4 mates. Chester just put up some really stupid but funny photos. Like the comments just went on and on. Haha maybe just maybe I can go for the next class outing. Just maybe. Oh and teachers day is coming. YES!!! Holidays ftw. Its like MORE TIME TO FINISH WORK/MUG!!! MUAHAHAHAHA!!!

Hur hur oh and reading other peoples blogs are fun ;) Gets them all freaked out. Oooo rant rant rant...class is getting boring. Oh and I just finished my IOP =DDD Hoorayyy...err and C cube is on already. K gotta go. LIFE ROCKS!!!

~In the silence...Im waiting to hear your voice~

2009-07-19T01:36:00.000-07:00

Just some chi stuff ive got to do for sch. Don't laugh.

我在这次的假期里参加了Pre-Univerysity seminar, 是由Ministry of Education 举行,目的是以本地各校的一些学生集合在一起来讨论面对新加坡的巨大挑战. 今年的主题是关于至今的经济状况. 我们在国际礼公学院花了五天的时间,和别校的学生以不同的方向面对着经济问题. 我们也请来了政府的一些高级职员来分享一下政府的不同措施和回答学生门的疑问.我们每个学校也需要做一个演讲, 以不同题目来针对经济情况.

此外, 我们还有不少游戏和小组沟通的时间.我认识了不少新朋友, 了解到不同学校独特的文化.能够和这些充满精神的学生们一起讨论, 交换新的知识,简直让我大开眼界.

~In the silence...Im waiting to hear your voice~

Its been a while

2009-05-31T16:39:00.000-07:00

Its been a while now. Just waking up to see the sun rise and hear the birds sing. Maybe June hols is not such a bad thing after all? I mean ya there is tons of revision/writing of study notes/mugging (are they not all the same?) to do but hey we are all in this together right? Haha I laugh at my musings. Its so funny when u kinda have no idea how to study for the coming exams and u figured a month is sooooo not enough but yet...yet still feel so calm, so...'let it come one day at a time'.

Woe to me if this is a disllusionment on my part. But hey if God's grace holds true, then may my faith stand and spirit soar. 'Lord, I belief, help my unbelief'.

In a few hours time Ill be off for Pre-u seminar. Not expecting much out of it, in fact I wanna just do my math homework there. Haha if I don't get distracted that is. Kinda missing my classmates off at WOW. Thought the whole thing about skipping WOW would not affect me so much but I guess when everyone else talks so much about it and u realised u missed so much, it rubs off. Sigh. Ok I know I shouldn't feel depressed. 'Emo' is a swear word I swear. Hmm happy thoughts!! Oh at least mum is willing to get me a new phone =D But wait, we just went out yest and found them either too expensive or too old. Means I'll have to wait a few months before the price drops. Darn.

K k maybe the bright side of things is that Ive got many new friends around now to get life going. Yap wanna get FireAC going too!!! Ahh miss the enthusiasm and excitement of being in ministry and always seeking God. OK new (not so) new year resolution: GET BACK TO MINISTRY!

Yay feeling much happier now. Hmm I wonder how 5.9 is doing over at Cambodia. CLASSMATES LET ME KNOW WHEN U COME BACK K? (oh gosh Im sounding like Nat XD)

~In the silence...Im waiting to hear your voice~

The dangerous game

2009-05-20T08:02:00.000-07:00

I have an enemy. His name is procrastination. Procrastination has a friend. His name is disllusionment. Together Procrastination and Disllusionment form the axis of evil, the Hitler and Muso of my life. Maybe its cause the hols are coming. More time=less stress. Ok maybe not. Cause more time=more procrastination=less time=more stress. Argh. What's going on?? Classes don't make sense like they use too. Im swimming in a sea of confusion. I know my doubts will come back to haunt me in the near future...but...but...what to ask? Somebody scream at me. Please.

~In the silence...Im waiting to hear your voice~

Finger itchy

2009-05-09T20:34:00.000-07:00

Ok popping by to do a bit of venting from the various causes of stress this week (and the next). Hmm what should my first post for such a long time go like...errr um....oh...

I NEED TO SLEEP MORE AND EAT LESS, STUDYING MAKES U FAT!!!

LIFE NEEDS A BIT MORE SPICE THAN MEAT...OH GOSH FOOD AGAIN...ARGH!!!

Ahh feel much better...now where's that CAS form that demands my utmost attention in trying to type out without falling asleep?? Oh yeh right...I ate it.

~In the silence...Im waiting to hear your voice~

Pink hoodies are soooo yesterday...

2009-03-16T04:59:00.000-07:00

Ok I admit, its been a long time since Ive blogged and maybe its cause Im sooo lazy so....IM BACK!! Haha well then again its the March hols and Im like on the com for 3-4 hrs every night (My mum so wants to chew me up for this). Hey blame it on the countless essays/ research I have to do...and FB of course. Darn FB is like sucking my life away, I FB therefore I become stupid. Ya according to TOK its got something to do with googling and loosing ur mind/ not being able to think independently. SOOOO now I think through FB. Haha just got reminded of the heroes abilities app I was hooked on last year. OH GOSH STOP IT!!!!

Actually Im like supposed to be typing one of my not so random essays now but guess I got distracted. ARGH! POP camp was eh so so lah. Had a great time with Mr Azmi, James and Joel Tieh on the first night preparing for worship and singing random worship songs together. In fact, I kinda was locked up in the LT for the whole time so ya....eh watever Im not being coherent. Oh ya n the next day amazing race was kinda ok but I guess I was too shacked to play so Mac's became the ultimate chill out place. WARNING: Never wear bright coloured pants. A certain BB girl might want to take them off u. Ewwww. Lucky me Im the black, green and white kinda guy. (no im not Indian, Shrek or Ang mo, its just colour preference) Hmm...still haven't had anything pink though....and I don't plan on getting any. Oh yes I have to say this but POP camp food was the BEST!!! Pizza, nasi lemak, BUTTER CHICKEN RICE...and HORLICKS!!! Lups u Caleb, u make my day =)

Hmm...it feels so weird growing up. Like u kinda don't wanna become too mature and loose all the childhood fun. Yet u kinda don't wanna be too childish cause it irks u. Oh man....mid life crisis.

Ok got to get back to typing my Cross Country report...ACSpress stuffz...Im so hating myself for this...

Eh xoxo??
~In the silence...Im waiting to hear your voice~

What a fwend...

2009-01-31T04:53:00.000-08:00

Im happy today. Yes very simply happy. I think we are all maturing in a very significant way. The word is 'maturing'. It ain't pretty but its good. Haha i'm like laughing at myself just typing this. Have u ever felt like a kid again? Guess it was a long time ago. Can u smile like a kid now? U know the stupid grin that has no rhyme or reason. The kind of look that makes that baby brother so adorable (and forgetting what a pain he always was). Try thinking mature and cute. Oh man I don't know what I'm typing anymore. But think again, think hard. If u think 'mature' U probably think of someone who is full of confidence and has experience to back up his claims. Think 'cute' and u get a sense of innocence and an overwhelming sense of letting go. Match both together and you get a friend. Some guy who's not going to be a pain to be with cause he's so immature yet he's got the chops to let u feel at home. No im not into guys x_x but hey why not be that kind of person? Ah what a fwend... Guess Ill sleep peacefully tonight.

~In the silence...Im waiting to hear your voice~

2009-01-24T04:46:00.000-08:00

To: A friend

Im sorry. I only meant for a good outcome of things. That the group might have a direction, at the very least an idea, of their purpose in this 2 years. I admit, I'm not perfect, most of the time Im scared to do things for a fear that it would not succeed, that it won't be the best for all of us. But was I really wrong this time? Was having something more directional wrong, or worse? Hmm maybe u have the same intentions as I have. What right do I have to judge U? But still how can we love if we don't encourage? How can we love if we don't support? Does the life we live reflect the character we have? Can u be more caring to say the least? Im heartbroken. If u read this I hope u understand. I want to help, to serve. Help me do that.

From.
A shattered heart

~In the silence...Im waiting to hear your voice~

A question of faith

2009-01-22T05:21:00.000-08:00

Hmm...something a friend emailed to me. A good read about our faith.

A VERY INTERESTING CONVERSATION

An Atheist Professor of Philosophy was speaking to his Class on the Problem Science has With GOD , the ALMIGHTY. He asked one of his New Christian Students to stand and . . . Professor : You are a Christian, aren't you, son ?
Student : Yes, sir.
Professor : So, you Believe in GOD ?
Student : Absolutely, sir.
Professor : Is GOD Good ?
Student : Sure.
Professor : Is GOD ALL - POWERFUL ?
Student : Yes.
Professor : My Brother died of Cancer even though he Prayed to GOD to Heal him. Most of us would attempt to help others who are ill. But GOD didn't. How is this GOD good then? Hmm?

(Student was silent )

Professor : You can't answer, can you ? Let's start again, Young Fella. Is GOD Good? Student : Yes.
Professor : Is Satan good ?
Student : No.
Professor : Where does Satan come from ?
Student : From . . . GOD . . .
Professor : That's right. Tell me son, is there evil in this World?
Student : Yes.
Professor : Evil is everywhere, isn't it ? And GOD did make everything. Correct?
Student : Yes.
Professor : So who created evil ?
(Student did not answer)
Professor : Is there Sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness? All these terrible things exist in the World, don't they?
Student : Yes, sir.
Professor : So, who Created them ?

(Student had no answer)

Professor : Science says you have 5 Senses you use to Identify and Observe the World around you. Tell me, son . . . Have you ever Seen GOD?
Student : No, sir.
Professor : Tell us if you have ever Heard your GOD?
Student : No , sir.
Professor : Have you ever Felt your GOD , Tasted your GOD , Smelt your GOD ? Have you ever had any Sensory Perception of GOD for that matter?
Student : No, sir. I'm afraid I haven't.
Professor : Yet you still Believe in HIM?
Student : Yes.
Professor : According to Empirical, Testable, Demonstrable Protocol, Science says your GOD doesn't exist. What do you say to that, son?
Student : Nothing. I only have my Faith.
Professor : Yes, Faith. And that is the Problem Science has.

Student : Professor, is there such a thing as Heat?
Professor : Yes.
Student : And is there such a thing as Cold?
Professor : Yes. Student : No, sir. There isn't..

(The Lecture Theatre became very quiet with this turn of events )

Student : Sir, you can have Lots of Heat, even More Heat, Superheat, Mega Heat, White Heat, a Little Heat or No Heat. But we don't have anything called Cold. We can hit 458 Degrees below Zero which is No Heat, but we can't go any further after that. There is no such thing as Cold. Cold is only a Word we use to describe the Absence of Heat. We cannot Measure Cold. Heat is Energy. Cold is Not the Opposite of Heat, sir, just the Absence of it.

(There was Pin-Drop Silence in the Lecture Theatre )

Student : What about Darkness, Professor? Is there such a thing as Darkness?
Professor : Yes. What is Night if there isn't Darkness?
Student : You're wrong again, sir. Darkness is the Absence of Something You can have Low Light, Normal Light, Bright Light, Flashing Light . . . But if you have No Light constantly, you have nothing and its called Darkness, isn't it? In reality, Darkness isn't. If it is, were you would be able to make Darkness Darker, wouldn't you?
Professor : So what is the point you are making, Young Man ?
Student : Sir, my point is your Philosophical Premise is flawed.
Professor : Flawed ? Can you explain how?
Student : Sir, you are working on the Premise of Duality. You argue there is Life and then there is Death, a Good GOD and a Bad GOD. You are viewing the Concept of GOD as something finite, something we can measure. Sir, Science can't even explain a Thought. It uses Electricity and Magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one. To view Death as the Opposite of Life is to be ignorant of the fact that Death cannot exist as a Substantive Thing. Death is Not the Opposite of Life: just the Absence of it Now tell me, Professor, do you teach your Students that they evolved from a Monkey?
Professor : If you are referring to the Natural Evolutionary Process, yes, of course, I do. Student : Have you ever observed Evolution with your own eyes, sir?
(The Professor shook his head with a Smile, beginning to realize where the Argument was going ) Student : Since no one has ever observed the Process of Evolution at work and Cannot even prove that this Process is an On-Going Endeavor, Are you not teaching your Opinion, sir? Are you not a Scientist but a Preacher?
(The Class was in Uproar )
Student : Is there anyone in the Class who has ever seen the Professor's Brain?
(The Class broke out into Laughter )
Student : Is there anyone here who has ever heard the Professor's Brain, Felt it, touched or Smelt it? . . . No one appears to have done so. So, according to the Established Rules of Empirical, Stable, Demonstrable Protocol, Science says that You have No Brain, sir. With all due respect, sir, how do we then Trust your Lectures, sir?

(The Room was Silent. The Professor stared at the Student, his face unfathomable)

Professor : I guess you'll have to take them on Faith, son.
Student : That is it sir . . . Exactly !

The Link between Man & GOD is FAITH. That is all that Keeps Things Alive and Moving.

NB:

I believe you have enjoyed the Conversation . . . and if so .. . You'll probably want your Friends / Colleagues to enjoy the same . . . won't you? Forward them to Increase their Knowledge . . . or FAITH. That student was Albert Einstein.

~In the silence...Im waiting to hear your voice~

Ben "jamin" Sim

2009-01-13T23:08:00.000-08:00

Oh time flies so fast, yet the past 3 months have gone by so slowly too. Can't believe it holidays for 3 months!!! Bleh I think my mushy brain has disintergrated...like tissue paper bomb. Anyway, before I whine some more, IM SOO EXCITED SCHOOL IS GOING TO START! WOO HOO! Never thought I would ever gone round saying that, stupid holidays. Yes but I terribly miss my friends and talking to people. Lazing round at home is so much more stressful then doing homework. I NEED WORK TO DO!!! Ok Ill probably regret ever saying that for the next 2 years but like I said, stupid holidays.

Oh ya went to Starbucks that day with the rest of the Yr5 primers after BB day. Full strength!(Luke Oon don't count but he still came for BB day at least) For once! Im so proud of DN and Greg. Hur hur...was super crazy being around with them.

Gareth: "We need someone with Charisma (for the recruitment post)"
Daniel Ng: "What!? Did I hear charisma? Don't you know, Charisma is my middle name"

Daniel 'Charisma' Ng

Argh, heart burn x) Haha lol! Can't imagine what he would do to the girls this year. He and Greg ah, never fail to impress.

Hmm on the topic of the female species, I reckon the group dynamics in our cohort is going to change dramatically. Um if you don't know what I mean, Im referring to the 'great Yr5 experiment'. Hopefully to our advantage too. See 'kind' and 'caring' are not really part of our middle names so lets see if things change this year. Oh ya and it would be very interesting to see how some people would react to them. U know like Jame, Ryon Wong and Ban Kai (Not their real names x) Oh and Im sure Gar gar would have a lot to comment too.

Joshua and Joel's surprise birthday party was really fun(ny) too. We had preayer meeting in the morning and kinda pretended everything was fine. After that went to Holland V to get Joel cake (while the other team secretly went to get cake for Josh) before heading over to Joel's place and hiding in his room. Haha I was hiding in the toilet when Joel came home and so all I heard was "wat the". The look on his face must have been like 'wat the pong!' Hehe phase 1 of "Project: Diabollical plan" went off quite smoothly. Phase 2 was to celebrate, sing birthday song (only for Joel) and PLAY! Haha poor Josh heart must be breaking inside. Ah but before we left then we took out his cake and presented him the presents. Teehee...we are so mean! Ok no, its Mervyn/James/Ryan Chong's idea so they are the mean ones. So Phase 2 was great too and haha we'll never do something like that again! Very stressful and have to wait very long. So much for last minute planning x)

Hmm I think I went a bit off topic, haha its supposed to be about getting back to school. Oh well need to wake up at 5 every morning again. Help! Im gonna miss sleeping in. Bye bye sweet dreams, hello IB nightmare. Ah gosh musn't cut short on my QT time. Reading the bible in the morning can be quite a challenge. Especially when its like Psalms or Proverbs. Feel like Im in a wise man lesson.

Ok school's gonna start and the world rotates again.
Chem, maths, history, econs
I face you with my unblinking eyes.
Stare deep, stare hard

Ok I give up x)

~In the silence...Im waiting to hear your voice~

Happy new year!!! and a little refection

2008-12-31T18:32:00.000-08:00

Wishing one and all a blessed new year! 2008 has been a time of great excitement, yet stressful at the same time. Admin term seems to be like 3 years ago...haha, I think that's why time seems to fly by. But even then, I think the friendships ive made among the BB Yr4 cohort have grown exponentially in this yr alone. It just feels like everyone is so grown up now, no more the cutey sec 1s, innocent and adorable, we once were. Haha, maybe our sec1s would feel the same when they reach yr4. Hmm...thinking about them, Im so proud of how much some of them have grown in maturity the last I saw them in SGB. They were so able to hold their own as compared to the other sec1s from the other companys. Well done!!! Hope we would be able to grow closer next year, to have a better understanding of each other.

I think its been a great year in which ive grown spiritually. All the stepping out of the comfort zone and taking bold steps to reach out and pray harder is certainly a new experience. God has been good to me, this I know. Even though He may be so silent most of the time, leaving me rather hopeless and frustrated thoughout most of the year, He always helps me pull through in the end. 'We're all here to learn' and who knows what 2009 holds in store??

~In the silence...Im waiting to hear your voice~

Its a white (ok maybe not) christmas

2008-12-27T23:11:00.000-08:00

Haha really weird. Saw KSL at IMM yesterday eating ice cream. With her sister I guess. The sister is like a replica of her, only skinnier...lol. Anyway want to thank all those who gave me presents for the first time ever!! As in like its the first time im getting christmas presents outside of family. Haha...thanks guys!!

~In the silence...Im waiting to hear your voice~

Rantings of a broken heart

2008-12-27T06:03:00.000-08:00

Oh God give me strength. Take me far away...far away from this misery. From the scoldings, from the suffering. Im lost...taken away by bitterness...swept away by sorrows. But dear Lord, if it is thy will, show me a way, not just a sign. Give me peace, yet give me joy. For who has such power, such control over the human emotions but you? You who hardened pharaoh's heart, who gave Moses courage, who gave Solomon wisdom. There is no one else like you. Each time my heart sings with praise, let not the things of the world consume me, let me not fall prey to the bright lights and the sweet words of men. Anger rises in my chest, fiery and unrelentless, a itching sensation that never fails to go away and becomes increasingly *argh* as I fan it. What do I do? How do I quench it? Shout, scream, smack...that's called releasing stress but to what end? To what good? Am I not pure evil? Who then is pure good? No, what then is pure good? God is good. All the time. He is just, yet us so unworthy. But He is love. That's all we need. "For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."Matthew 11:29-30 Cast your burdens on the cross. Where is God? Who is God? I cannot phanthom, but then again, He is everything. The Alpha and Omega. Author of our faith. I find new hope, new peace, new joy. How should I live? As a servant, but what kind? Willing and humble. To God be the glory?? Yes but how? To love, to see Him glorified, to be a willing servant of God. Love?? Oh the word...the meaning. The ultimate sacrifice was done in Love. The 2 most important commandmants demand Love. The relationship between a holy God and fallen man is Love. But how to Love??

Praise the LORD, O my soul; all my inmost being, praise his holy name. Praise the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits-”- Psalm 103:1-2
~In the silence...Im waiting to hear your voice~

A little joke

2008-12-25T01:14:00.000-08:00

Heard this joke from my pastor today during christmas service.

A guy just lost all his cash buying Lehman stocks, then his job and finally his girlfriend. Feeling depressed, he went to the beach , contemplating suicide. As he strolled along, his foot hit something hard in the sand. As he grabbed his toe, he realised that he had hit a lamp. As he picked it up and rubbed it, loh and behold, a genie appeared!!

Genie: "....Yadda yadda yadda...I can grant u 3 wishes"
Guy: "I want to have lots of money!"
*Bing! A new bankbook appeared before him (with lots of cash to draw. Duh)*

Genie:"And ur second wish?"
Guy:" I want to be a CEO of a big company."
*Bing! He finds himself in Microsoft sitting in Bill Gates chair*

Genie:" Finally, ur last wish"
Guy:" I....want to be irresistable to women"
*The genie frowns very hard*
Genie:"Are u sure that's what u want?"
Guy:"Yes...yes...of course!"

*Bing! The guy turns into a box of chocolate. Hur hur....*

~In the silence...Im waiting to hear your voice~

First post...and a little on the future...

2008-12-24T05:11:00.000-08:00

Hehe first post ever...and my first blog=) Never thought I would have one but here it is. Woots!

So what's a blog for?? Spamming all of life experiences, keeping track of my in's and out's (of the house) or just another way to spam like Facebook. Hmm...Im not sure but I guess ill figure it out soon enough. Already my typing is getting better...not bad=)

Anyway, since its like Christmas eve, want to wish all of you (whoever you may be and however you find this blog) a VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS!! Yes and don't forget what christmas is all about, Christ born to the world. (Well actually if you ask around/search the internet they say he was born in Jan or March) But whatever the case, we can still take this time to remember Christs coming to Earth in a HUMBLE (stresssss) environment. Oh well...

Haha as for the future, lets just say that my priorities are kinda mumbo jumbo. There's studies (duh), FireAC (oh may I find the time to chase this passion), BB (and our cohort...spiritual revival!! Woots), and of course my mum to handle (um ok...u get the point...if not, whatever x)

Eh a bit the long for a first post huh? Haha hope I have time to do this next year =)

~In the silence...Im waiting to hear your voice~