2009
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Ah finally got myself to sit down, reflect and spill out (rant about) my life. Its been a long time since ive written something on this page. As the year draws to a close, its good to take time to realise where my life is heading and how its has been guided, influenced by God, the people He placed around me, the curcumstances He put me in, the wrestling I have done. Its not been an easy year. Work has been terrible. Grades have been a disaster. Sleep has been non existent. Enthusiasm all but forced. The world is merciless in its dealings and we play for keeps. IB has trained me to be sharper, but then more critical of others. To demand myself to work and in turn feel guilty when having fun. In playing for keeps, Ive runned down character, patience, self control. And it got me nowhere. Its funny how I lie to myself that I can handle everything. However, the year has not been an entire waste.
God does things in funny ways. Friendships have always been something Ive cherished. Every year since Primary school I would always have a good friend whom I could lean on/hang out with every day throughout the year. Every year there would always be that person whom I look forward to talking to everyday cause its just so easy to do so and no barriers exist between us. However, this year has been different. My class/school mates are mostly new. Its sometimes hard to talk about the things that really matters. Thankfully God has placed people who have been strong in faith beside me, to encourage me in ways that I usually don't get. It's in the simple 'Ill pray for you' that I find the strongest encouragement. Yeah there's been the highs and lows of the year which repeats like a pattern every year (exam periods tend to be low) but its different when we engage in things that matters most. Its the things that are about caring, about loving, about sharing that now seem more important, more desired than anything else. But even then struggles abound. The sense of guilt is one that drags a person to his knees. First the knees of despair and disgust. The man's pride is broken and crushed. He who feels strong is now humbled. Then as he sinks deeper, he falls to the prayer knees. The overwhelming desire to seek spirituality anew, afresh, like a 6th sense discovered. That's where I have been led. To the foot of the cross, broken and in need of repair. To pray when all else is crumbling. To cling onto prayer and in turn, to declare His power in Jesus' name. I rejoice that the Lord has dragged me back to my kness but yet at the same time I despair. Its sad that one has to wait till he is crushed to pray again. When I say pray, I mean deep down I know that I mean every single word and I know God is listening. Its sad because its hard to trust myself to pray (like this) everyday. But I know in my weakness, He becomes strong.
Did a few interesting things this year (in my definition of interesting at least). Went out to watch Avatar with a friend, baked some kinda cookie at Shawn Tan's house, got caught playing XBOX in class after 3 years (lao kui man), went to watch Transformers 2 with classmates and had some Chinese restaurant dinner (which was pretty awesome cause Ive never eaten and would never choose to eat in a chinese restaurant save weddings/extended family outings), doing class council stuff with a bunch of hilarious/crazy/perpetually high commandos/EXCO, oh yeah...having contact with the other species for the very first time in personal history (elaborate on this later), Ind. Day dressed up as Lady Liberty with green paint on my face and hands and wrapped in green trash bag, carrying a Nike duffel bag to school and finding no one actually carries these stuff as a school bag making me feel weird, FIREAC WITH ALL THE AWESOME PEOPLE INSIDE AND AROUND (Miao, Eu, Chek, Prince; Justin, Teddy Bear, Lebs, Karlo), teaching classmates how to play the guitar and singing in class, bumming around class with Sidney and Co. , arguing/discussing/ philsophising with Miao on life/ministry and how to pronounce words properly, talking to Andrew and laughing at our lame jokes, seeing Hao Zhong get buffer by the day, laughing at CT Mdm Angela Ong's lame jokes and even funnier life stories, feeling sad that Ng Tek Seng is leaving us and enjoying his crazy antics during Chinese class, the non-existence of BB this year (sry guys), writing articles for ACpress and seeing them published (Great success!!), going to LKC for EE research (awarded Best Excuse of the Year to Get Out of The House), sleeping only 5 hours on average every other night and craving for coffee, eating (and finally getting sick of) Maggee/Nasi Goreng, feeling perpetually anxious and oh man what more can I say??
~In the silence...Im waiting to hear your voice~
