The day I failed
Thursday, November 28, 2013
Never. I have never failed. I've done everything I could. Every time. Always. But if you know that the paper was not meant to be...that you failed because you didn't know you were that bad. Was it your fault? Were you in the wrong? What happens now? I don't know. I've never failed before. I don't feel exceptionally bad. I want to. I want to see that I'm lacking in a certain way, that I could have done more beforehand. But well no. I just didn't prepare for the paper the way it was requried to be prepared. I went there with the wrong concept. Who is to blame? My lecturer...for not telling us the way the paper was to be set? Myself...for not doing more than I have? What's the point? There is no point. There is only sunk cost, to move on and plan ahead. Been thinking alot about the point of the things we do in life these past few days. The studying, the friends, the daily cycle of eat and work. Where is this joy in the Lord? Where is this purpose of which we speak of every Sunday? I've been living a lie...an easy one. It's easy to talk about nice things, right things, like how to live a holy life, what is important in the bible and what to do to stay away from sin. But I'm not following any of these. I don't have to, ie. no one is forcing me to and there isn't really any negative consequence. I've been taking the easy way out. So what does this have to do with failing? It's a bigger picture. My failure appears heavier than how I live my life. After all the result is more 'tangible'. Argh. What to do now?
~In the silence...Im waiting to hear your voice~
